I don't know what title should I put here.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Argh!!!!
Feel like throwing tantrum to BOO ):
seriously stress man
The stress-ness is unbearable
This is the 3rd time m facing it
.
God, please don't play a game to me
I don't like it
can be said "I FUCKING HATE IT"
.
Feel like tearing up again
what a life i ve hm?!
TIRED LIKE FUCK OKAY!
.
Duhh
don't know how to express my feeling here
or
to anyone
.
FUCK YOU MAN!
Labels: pain, sad, shout out loud
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
6:27 PM
Confused
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Last9 seriously SAD!
you really makes me so hard to do
trying to ignore ur question but u force me to answer
After I answer u honestly, u said I spoilt ur mood!
WHATTHEFUCKISTHIS
.
Tell me what should I do and say?!
Can u stand at my side and think how hard is me
This can't That can't
Please la weii~
.
I sent u 2 msgs last9 before I off to bed
I expect u'll reply me but ended up DISAPPOINTED again ):
Nevermind..Mayb ure not feeling well
.
SEE! Everytime what u done I'll just "nevermind"
Do u noticed that?!
Use ur brain and heart to feel it!!
.
I hate to tell u obviously
coz things may turn out not that good if i do so..
.
This morning u texted me
I wake everytime when I heard my phone beep
but, today I just looking at ur msg
Im asking myself should I reply or not
.
coz u just seems to forget everything and make a new day to u
is that so easy u can forget?!
I don't think so unless..............
.
Just a few mins ago, u texted me again coz I didn't reply ur prev one
Fingers wanna reply but I force not to coz my heart telling me not
I wonder what will happened If I don't text u for a day
.
I know NOTHING will happen and u WON'T realise anything
I dont wanna hope so much anymore
the more I think of
the more my tear drops
.
People said
眼泪只为高兴的事而流
but there's no happy things for me to do so
sadness is getting more and more!
haihs
.
*BIG SIGH*
imnotasstrongasbefore
Labels: for you, pain, sad, will always remembered
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
1:44 PM
I hate the taste of a LEMON!
After the day I back from KL
at least I feel a lil' changed of you
(= thank you so much!
The memories of 212609 i definitely won't forget it!
.
Today out of sudden,
u changed back to the normal u or mayb not
I don't know which is the real u now
I wish to know but impossible I guess ):
*sigh*
.
Seriously the taste of a lemon is so suck
I taste too much since u're here
but, u can sense wrongly and said u really understand me
woah! I m not a very easy person for u to understand, do u know that?!
.
THISISSOCALLEDYOUDONTUNDERSTAND!!
Can't blame again
*inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale*
Alright Nic, u ll be good tomorrow! (=
.
sigh again
I prefer u hate me than anything seriously
How much I've tears for u? I dont dare to count
Each time I wish u're there u won't be there
am I right?!
Nevermind..Nevermind..
.
Forgive so much but u didn't know or maybe ure pretending
hmm...whatever
.
How tough is it, Life still goes on
I got no choice!
I hope u really can understand me very well
before I proceed to others
.
I m thinking should I reply ur msg tomorrow?
OR
ignore the whole day?
my heart saying no )=
but, If I do, I dont think u can sense ur wrong
but, youre not feeling well right now!
How?! HOW?! how?!
*sigh*
.
Give me a way what I should do next
Speechless..Hopeless..
heartagainbreakintopieces
Labels: for you, pain, sad, will always remembered
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
12:32 AM
Never ever put a lil' hopes on you..
Monday, September 21, 2009
Tonight is not gonna be a goodie night
Kache was not able to reach here on time
so, change to tomorrow!
Hopefully no any excuses from here
She's a big ffk one =)
.
Alright, nothing to talk about kache
Back to you now
Seriously disappointed AGAIN!
.
I don't know why I put soo bloody much hopes on u
expect YOU WILL but YOU WON'T
.
From time to time, u really changed a lot
The way u do is really different
.
I really wish to make everything clear from now
I m bloody suffer from all that, Do u know that?!
why are u so selfish hm?
Do u really think about it?
OR u're purposely treat me so?
.
TELLMEEVERYTHING
.
Why so hard to tell me the 3 lil' words?
If u say it forever I will disappear from u life
Really!
.
This happened again and again
ure nothing over there and i m suffering over here
.
YOU'RE TOO SELFISH DUDE!
t
Labels: for you, pain, sad, will always remembered
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
12:36 AM
High expectation..
Sunday, September 20, 2009
My mood to blog is back slowly =)
'm happy w/ it!
.
BORED TO DEATH now
.
*cut short the craps*
.
Today mood was so so only
happy-sad-disappointed-happy-sad-disappointed
as u can see kept changing mood
.
I wish to know why am I become like this now :(
srsly not good for health
no appetite again
sad case,right!
.
Supposed to went wedding dinner at 7o
but, I rejected my parents coz I thought u'll coming back early
to....meet me up!
sharp 7o, u told me there raining heavily
aldou u indirect telling me
I still can understand it u're not coming back that early
NEVERMIND
.
But, it's too late for me to prepared for dinner
so decided to stayed at home w/ kiddos
.
Get a called from sis-in-law, her sis will pick up the kids at 9o
alright, that's fine
I need to be alone at home for a moment or two
.
She picked, m alone
and, that's the time I feel so LONELY :(
I would never said this word as I always wanted to be alone at home
But, I feel it and said it out today
.
coz I thought will be alone just for awhile
but...but..but
.
urgh..I really put too high expectation on u
Bloody sad and disappointed!
,
You never told me u reached here safely
and, I wonder alone here and feel like texting u at 1st
but, I control not too
Last, I did too =.="
.
I know I m nothing to u now
but, at least I still care and concern about u
.
haihs
Everything is too late for now
.
inhale...exhale...inhale..exhale
nic, u'll be alright tomorrow =)
Labels: for you, pain, sad, will always remembered
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
12:24 AM
For you 2...
Saturday, September 19, 2009
I m trying hard to fix back every single pieces of my heart
from the prev. one
.
and, u break it again
Getting more serious. It's bleed like nobody business
and is everywhere on the floor
.
How am I going to fix back myself this time?!
Confused Blank
I can't make any decision anymore
.
THE PAIN IS SO F*kin DEEP,alright
.
I want u to HATE me so that I can stay away from u forever
delete u from mind and heart
.
But, why u don't wanna do so to me?!
and, u urself don't even know what's in ur mind and what u want
.
is really HARD man,srsly
All the questions I point at u is just like shooting me back :(
argh!!
.
Nic, breathe through the right nostril
Hopefully will b fine from tomorrow onwards
Should have a good sleep now
.
Nights and Sweet dreams peeps :)
Labels: for you, pain, sad, will always remembered
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
1:10 AM
For you...
Friday, September 18, 2009
I don't know what can I say.
the only way is to accept everything u do to me
No matter the worst or the best
me will still accept it w/ my heart =)
.
The drastic changed of u really....*shocked face*
the tears can't stop fallin cause it's hurt.
Heart broke into million pieces everywhere on the floor
heart bleed.
.
I can't feel anything anymore
the only way is just kept crying w/o ur cares
.
You just shoots me and leave me there until u're alright
WHAT IS THIS?!
.
I'm really sick of the word 'SORRY' from u
more than 50 times perday I received that F word from u.
.
I wanna know what's in ur mind
what u want and all.
.
but, the answer u don't know too!
How am I supposed to do?!
.
Heart squeezing now
God, please give me a way to solve all this.
.
I wanna grab both but I know I couldn't do so ):
save me from everything!
Labels: for you, pain, sad, will always remembered
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
12:10 PM
Precious papii is alright.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
He looks cute =)
-
Hi, again m neglectin my blog (:
guess need not to explain why coz m just wayyy to lazy and nothing much happened.
Life seems so bored by days.
was at home. online-sleep-sms
That's the most I do!
-
Why do I post my precious photo here?
yups, I never share it to all of you.
and, I don't feel to share.
to make it short and simple,
he got a skin cancer on his upper chest
): sad case!
-
It's there for a month
gave him 10days of medicine makes him getting more unhappy
decided to stop as its gettin bigger
and m damn worrying about it
-
2nd appointment, yesterday, decided to cut it off.
i was not there
All the way, baby is there with him
and, he'd done the opt today morning
I won't be seeing him til he recover from that! ):
-
need 9more days to go
Hopefully in these days he's be alright
m so worried to losing him this precious one
-
argh..i shouldnt think much
and, it's late now
should off to bed!
-
nitez
Labels: cute|adorable, precious, sad
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
1:26 AM
You makes me feel better =)
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Hi fellow friends.
Sorry for neglecting my blog for days
Not in the good mood to write and nothing for me to post up here
I wish I could wash away all that shitttt but yet I still failed.
m tryin hard :(
-
See! m stucked again.
My mind is blank. But, I don't want my blog to be dead just like that.
No words. No mood.
-
I m having a seriously bad insomnia these days
I couldn't sleep at all.
Fresh in the middle of night.
Forcing myself to sleep. Rolled on bed. Eyes open wide seeing my room ceiling full with stars :)
I m not blur. I stick all the glowing stars on my ceiling and walls.
Feel like sleeping on the sky! ^^
I love that feel much.
-
and, I don't have appetite on foods.
Only liquid food like soup and water I'd for 3days
I guess I gonna die soon!
Pls don't bring me go..
M forcing myself at least to eat some rice/meat/vege
but, i can't take it!
What a sad case ):
-
Seriously not good for health this time.
But, one thing i love much is I loss weight fast!
that won't make me pretty.
like zombie.
-' m not in a good mood like always '-
Labels: just post, sad, shout out loud, SPEAKblablabla
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
4:17 PM
Ohh...my sick precious baby!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Went out w/ mom and ney for dinner :)
eat Segamat dim sum.
so not nice compared to KL one xP
-
After that, headed to Cartino to get a cheap heels
for convo
coz cousin said wear high heel is better and look nicer
so, mom said get one dark colour covered heel
-
It's not cheap
50bucks
Consider expensive coz is not a brand
and easily spoilt
but no choice
buy only lorhz
malas wanna go search around =)
-
Tomorrow going to KL
to collect convo gown
superb mafan which i hate a lot
wasting my time drove to KL just for that
so, decided w/ ney to go makan/shop
-
But, unfortunately
got few calls from ney's mom
precious baby fall sick!!
Duhhhh~
makes me superb worried here now =(
-
have to rush to KL early morning to get done my thing
and bring precious for a check-up!
Hopes he's alright.
-
i'm missing u bloody much!
Labels: cute|adorable, precious, sad, SPEAKblablabla
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
11:58 PM
Fcukin' disappointed, makes me won't respect U.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
"GP: You should not call him to work on Sat morning...It's tiring! DD: *tempered up 30%* I can tell u how many hours he work everyday! Free time not to rest but out w/ friends til mid9 GP: That's why u work hard during young til now, so u DESERVE the sickness of C. DD: *tempered up to maximum* "These conversation makes me sick w/ GP. I heard this from DD. DD shared it w/ me. If I am DD, as my temper, no matter how old u are I won't respect anymore. Not worth respecting you! I know u're so concerned about HIM. But, the way u concern HIM is totally wrong. You as the oldest one should know which to tell and which should not tell.
Hello, HE is still young. Have HIS own family. HE should knows what to do w/ HIS own family. Why are u saying those word HE is tired. HE should be more energetic than DD. Think about it!
I'm FUCKIN' hate the word "You deserve the sickness of C". Do you respect the one younger than you? Or the oldest one need not to respect youngest one? WTF!!! I'm totally sick w/ GP. DD never said anything/reply back what u said because he still respect you as the old one. Your own daughter have the sickness too. Do she work hard? She do nothing and get that sickness when she's aged 17. So, what do u mean by deserve??!
You (GP) should tell HIM the history of how DD gone thru over his young life. I'm sure you knew it all. Why u never tell HIM? If u think you "wash brain" HIM, HE can have a better life in HIS future, go ahead! I don't mind about that. But, it's not!!! He still back to DD. WTF is that???!
Not only DD is soooooooo disappointed w/ HIM. MM and me as his younger one. I'm so disappointed w/ my eldest one. You never change at all!!!! When will u realize all these??! I silent for soooo bloody long don't wanna say out a word from my mouth. I'll say it all when the time to.
I just don't understand why you (GP) never appreciate whatever DD done for u. DD is just like ur supplier, do u know that? Ur business thingy is all from DD. Do others really knew about these?! No one!!!! You thought u came and take it from HIM is from HIM? Fuck kay! All is from DD. Do u ever say Thank You? If u never say TQ do u appreciate??! APPRECIATE?!
If u really do, u won't backstabbed DD. You never say something good which u appreaciate from DD. That's mean u NEVER appreciate!!!
One important thing, DD never take u for granted! He gaves u whatever u need. Except $. But, the important thing you want is $. DD not never give u at all. You should understand his situation too. But, you're not!
Those who takes u for granted u treat them like a KING QUEEN PRINCE PRINCESS. Never wanna say what u want from them. Just shut ur mouth and get done whatever they called u to do. But, do u do so for DD? Do u treat us like KING QUEEN PRINCE PRINCESS??! You just treat us like a SHIT! Backstabbed kaokao.
Ok enough! Ive fully expressed all my feeling here!!!
I give u a very last warning. I warn an old person.
Whoever who touch a single hair of DD, I won't give face anymore!!!
I'm totally can't control my temper!!
If there's a second time, I'll say it and DO IT! Include all of my members. That's it!
and no more any relation. And, from that, no more giving a single cents on whatever happened on you...
I always love u, DD!
Labels: noʎ ʞɔnɟ, pain, sad, shout out loud
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
12:41 PM
You're gone. Memories will always be in my heart.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
I slept at 3+am last night. Not only that night, its almost a month. Things come and go that often. I always seems to be bothered. Seems to have so many things kept in my heart. When did I learn to keep things in my heart? I've totally no idea.. Maybe it's when I realized by telling, it makes no difference, no changes, of no help.
So what is the point by telling?
I don't wish to tell everyone about this. Bcoz I found this is not the proper things to share with people. Even ted-B. I know there's so many people worrying about me, caring me, concern about me. But, do they really truly 100% treat me that way?!
ARGHHHH~~!!
I guess this is the only post I'll share and post up in my blog. Coz I don't know who can I talk to. I don't wanna let ted-B to know so much about this. It will affect his concentration on work. I've blah too much and you guys still thinking what is that 'thing' that makes me so down, right?
K, is about
FAMILY.
After a year, both Dad & Mom done their major operation. (sorry! I'm not going to mention what happened on them) They seems to change a lot! I repeat, is
A LOT! If they change to be better at least I feel happy with it. But....NOT! Dad is better much than my Mom. After his op, he knows how to take care of his health. Not for my Mom.
Dad need 5 years to confirm that he's save. God bless! I know my dad can save. I know God is always be there for him. For Mom, she still not 100% perfect. and, of course there's no more 100% in her. The most only 90% an above. Everyone is giving her advises, encourage her to do more exercise, this and that.
Alright. No more about Dad. More about Mom. Coz things happened and go start from her. :(
People all around her is giving her so much support that she'll be able to walk perfectly like normal people. No more like 'ah ma'. But, of course she needs to do exercise. One word in her mind is
LAZY. Haihz...
As her hubby, advise her million billion trillion of times to do more exercise. Sent her to KL for a check-up and done some physio w/out saying a word LAZY and w/out fail travelling every week. Did she think about my Dad?!
As I'm her daughter which she think I'm just a useless one for her. Nevermind! I keep supporting her too. Does she appreciate me and Dad?!
Year by year, I'm 21 years old now. I should be able to make my decision on my own things. From young, I never make them to worried about my study or anything. I do on my own. When they scolded me, I'm just
SILENT! I never climb on their head at all!!! No matter I'm the one who wrong/not, I still will silent for them, listen to them. But now, sorry I can't be silent anymore.
I really respect my parents. I want a happy family which I can really feel the warmth and happiness. I do respect my Dad a lot. Until today I never mad/anything to him. Coz I know Dad always blah so much also because of us. Nothing much. Want me to be a good one in future. I know that! But, for Mom, she will talk shits much than giving advise.
I kept argue with my mom. The way she talked to me, the words she used. Is so fucking terrible, ok! She throw all her temper to me.
" I'm just a SANDWICH "Like I said, they will never say anything in front of my bro tho is my bro fault and it's not mine. They will just scold/throw their temper on me. I'm not the wrong person. Why u all want to scold me?! I know my sis is too young and know nothing so just forget about her. But, why I'm the one who always get scolded by you?!
Do you know how I feel each and everytime u scolded me like nobody business?! Do u know I have my own feeling too?! Do you really listen what I say?! Do I really have a chance to say everything in my heart?!
I become that tough w/out dropping my tears in front of you (eventhough is not my fault most of the time) is because I don't want to let u know how deep u hurt me w/ all ur words. Cut deep down in my heart. Cut my heart into pieces...
Do you realise who is the good and who is the bad one?! No matter how u mad/scold at me. I never hate u at all. I just let everything go. But, in my heart there's always a deep scar.
Day by day, the word you used is getting more serious. Hurt my heart kaokao. I slept late at night everyday because the pain in my heart is always there when I think of the way u talked to me.
I cried alone in the middle of the night.. Who knows?! You know that?! You piggying and enjoying urself in z-land. What about me?! Hell...
I'm trying not to be rude when I talked with u. No more Mom. Each time u talked with me, u just wanna quarrel with me. So, no choice. I've to be rude on you tho I feel hurt each time I talked with you that way.
I won't say/talk much with you from now onwards. I'll talk with u when u're nice to me. Serious. I prefer I don't talk than I talk. Just let u to hurt me. Say everything u want. As long as u're happy with it.
I'm so bloody scared when people asking me about this. I can answer. But, deep in my heart, its start crying. The pain kept coming and go. =(
Time will prove to you whether I'm a good daughter to you / just a useless one.
Ok, enough of sharing with you guys!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Dear Grandma,
(which I called her 'Ma Ma' in cantonese)
She leave us just that way for almost 4years..
Things changed after she has departed from this world.
I'm not that happy anymore w/out her.
I don't know who to talk to when I'm sad..
.
.
Ma Ma, I really wish you're still here w/ me
No one called me 'YanYan' anymore since the day u're gone
I really hope u can see w/ ur own eyes
I'm suffering here
Come to my dream
Talk with me
what should I do to make all the things come back to the normal one
If I could see you in real again
I got a lot of things to talk w/ u
hug u tightly
kiss u like the way I used to kiss u last time
I so wanna pay a visit to u when I'm in KL
but, I know they will not bringing me there
If I'm alone to KL
promise u, I'll pay a visit to u
Ma Ma, please come to my dream
I really need u
I can't sleep every night
The pain is killing me
I know you can help
Please come~
My graduation ceremony coming soon on 25th July
I'm so wish u're there w/ me
seeing ur happy smile
taking photos w/ u
Ma Ma....Rest in Peace...
I love you always!
.
.
.
.
" I may look happy at the outside..But you never knew what's deep down "
PS: If you think you wanna comment this post, and there's no comment column for you. Kindly email to me at im.nicoleseet@gmail.com
Labels: pain, sad, unforgettable
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
3:28 PM
The sound calling from the next door.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Hello earthlings! I've no idea of what should I post up here. These days my stomach keep calling for help. I don't know what happened with it ]: I really hope it won't calling me anymore. It's not menses. Damn fucking pain. I dare not to tell anyone of my family. I know they'll not concern. Scold more than anything ]:
I don't eat much these days. The boyf is damn worried about me. Sorry about that! I don't know who I can tell to. Since I'm eating lesser now. So, is it going to toilet is less too?? ARGHhh..Help me out. I'm so scared that the pain is which I couldn't go for toilet. Means stomached! Should I go for a check up? uhhuu~ I'm so scared. The pain always come in the middle of night. ]:
I hopes it can disappear and go away from me!!
PS: My grammar is totally SUCKs! Sorry about that.Labels: pain, sad
♥ Our lips must always be sealed...
7:36 PM
